i'm sleeping with myself tonight because i remember my name and i won't regret it in the morning. sorry.
this girl just gave me her phone number and 5 mins later right in front of me she is giving her number to another dude
call her and ask her what she thinks she's doing
The walls in my apartment are so thin that sometimes when I fart, I stop to listen if people are laughing next door.
Are you going to tell your therapist we boned?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I promise you 4 toothbrushes taped together and lube does not do the trick
I told him I was prego. He asked coul we do it without a condom now since I cldn't get any pregnanter. What an a-hole.
do people in england often walk their sheep on leashes? or is this guy the exception to the rule?
im going to live freely with my legs opened and my heart closed
When I told my mom I was having a rough time, she responded with "pop a xanax, take a nap, and when you wake up all will be right with the world." My mom is finally starting to shape up.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
i just threw up in the porta potty. i am in no condition to be guarding anyone's life rite now.
My broken door handle makes it really inconvient for when i need to puke at red lights.
He just said "fuck you" to the bowl he's eating things out of
I accidentally KO'd a baby in the airport. Thought you should know.
So I think my motto should be "losing bras and dignity every weekend" but like in a really amazing way
he was the first penis i touched… i have to go to his shitty bands first gig, i mean come on now
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