i feel like i'm a professional at blowjobs i can deep throat an entire spatula
Just had a drunken guest at my hotel threaten to "throw a fuckin fireball at my face"
when i grow up i'm putting garbage disposals in all showers of my house so when you vomit in the shower its easy clean up
It was as if you forgot how to speak normally. All of your words came out either backwards or in song form
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
How would u feel about transportimg a penis shaped ice luge to nashville?
the last thing i remember is yelling at the cab driver that i'm really good at drive by vomitting.
he told me he didn't know whether he was gonna puke, pass out, or cum. i don't know if i should be flattered or offended.
Hi future me, I saved you a big mac under the bed.
He sent me a picture; erect penis, cat in hand and no pants on. He got a boob pic for that one.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Whos eating a bunch of acid and watching fireworks tomorrow? This guy. Thats who.
Hey, don't think you remember me but we met last night. I'm conducting a survey this morning its only one question: Have you seen Rob since 1am?
I'm a drunk white girl and my ancestors were drunk white girls, if we apologized our species would be extinct.
I am descending into that finals week rage fueled by ramen, mountain dew and bad sex is what's up.
I have a knack for carnage and poetic language.
Currently having to re-watch episodes of Lost that I've only partially seen because you distracted me with your vagina
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