guess you're going to miss out on a groin massage and a frosty vagina
Just found a quarter that has been stuck to my boob since at least last night.
Then you ran outside and said you were gonna give the snowman a blowjob
I have bruises everywhere. I think I took "the drinks are strong" as more of a challenge than a warning.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Dude best one night stand i woke she was cleaning our fridge while waiting for the cab to show
Know what I do when I'm in that mood? Whenever anyone talks to me I just hiss like a cat. They go away.
I need to see you idiots before I go back to school. But we shouldn't snort Crown Royal this time.
Good, be his mentor. Like a tiny gay Yoda.
I may have unintentionally punched your cat twice but he's an asshole anyway.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Pandora was on point with the sex music tonight
New low: uploading my contacts into Facebook in an attempt to get the name of the girl I brought home last night.
For a guy who won't fuck me, your dick is out a lot when we talk.
Very unfortunate to find out the kid who took your virginity has never seen Star Wars🙃
im mourning your vaginas lack of frictional upkeep
That would involve putting on clothes and I don't think I can face that right now.
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