I hope I'm pregnant just to spite you.
awkward like he asked me out for a "rest of the summer make out buddy" thing and I kind of had a female testicle retreat moment
I put so much effort into my vagina today. If i don't get laid tonight I'm gonna be pissed.
I'm pretty sure this is how polyamorous relationships begin.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
On a totally unrelated note, captain four hour sexcapades lost it in his boxers this morning and tried to pretend it didnt happen. Lmao
She found my wedding ring, sallowed it and wished me good luck explaining it to my wife before walking out. Now what?
He asked me when I was coming to bed while simultaneously drilling a fart into the mattress. Don't fucking get married.
The saddest thing about graduating is that we won't have free access to STI screening anymore
We're not piercing ourselves today.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Chick in the reindeer getup puked on Baby Jesus last night. But then she bought us all empanadas so she's cool.
Woke up this morning with girl, I ask her for some gum. She says "there's a guest toothbrush for the boys in my bathroom". I can't decide whats worse, that she has a shack brush or that I actually used it
If he sends me a dick pic so help me god.
not only was there glitter in the toilet after i peed, but there was some on the toilet paper after i wiped. this cant be healthy.
Today I saw someone riding a horse on the sidewalk by aldi when I went to walmart. Old town road was playing on the radio. It was perfect.
Me and my boss just exchanged pictures of our bongs and such...I don't know I feel about this
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