Sry I called you an 8
i need to break up with him. i realized this while i was making a mental grocery list while we were having sex. this is not the first time i've done that.
Hangover cure: shower, throw up again, sleep for 4 hours, eat salsa, brush teeth. Good to go.
I'll be honest, not actually surprised to find half a Big Mac box and bits of broken security glass by the sofa.
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When I came in she was screaming "boundaries!" at the cat because it was trying to eat her pizza rolls.
and he's drinking a bud lime in his profile pic meaning i can out drink him, meaning i would clearly be the alpha in our relationship
Hooker in the library. I repeat, we have a hooker in the library. This is not a drill.
Packing a mid day bowl in the Sonic parking lot. Have I gone too stoner?
If we tried baptizing you I feel the water would start boiling around you.
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Apparently I took a selfie with fried chicken at 2 am....I'm still trying to figure out where I got the chicken. I thought I was making mac & cheese.
Tbh you just need to fuck it out like I don't know another solution
I doubt the gods of funday Sunday would exact such a high price... But it's good to know an afternoon with me is worth a left foot.
I s2g I’m about to get ghosted by a 34 yr old and my Oedipus complex cannot take it
Last night’s booty call turned into a cuddlefest. Get your game face on, we’re hunting dick tonight
The sex would be better if it wasn’t interrupted because his home detention ankle monitor needed charging. At least I know he’s not cheating on me
Do you even hear yourself?
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