We fucked twice, I went to the bathroom to freshen up, and came back to him playing "Your Body is A Wonderland" on his guitar naked in my bed.
He said "what's the haps". I don't know what the haps are but there goes his chances
Also, just saw a homeless man answer a phone call on a blackberry...
oh man. maybe i should puke on his dick? just to test how much he loves me?
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There are many reasons why he shouldn't come over. And each one is longer than his penis.
Is asking my 8-year-old brother if he will make us shot glasses in his ceramics class too far?
It seems that only way I've actually improved myself after 2 years of writing for the school newspaper is that I've mastered the art of descriptive words to improve my sexting skills
Pretty sure that molly fried my sinus infection away; i regret nothing
You are one of my favorite baseball you have fun today
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I have a better chance beating China's military with slap bracelets than this plan has of working.
I fully committed to my astronaut costume, to say the least. blacking out on moonshine and having a moonwalk of shame this morning: happy Halloweekend.
I thought you might think I was an idiot who thought cock rings prevent STDs,
I'm literally beginning to think that my sex dreams are prophesies
I was randomly pulled aside to have my bag checked. It had 50 condoms in it.
I'm not kidding, he literally jumped in the red panda exhibit. I knew this was gonna be a good birthday.
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