I heard it from a little bird bananas is gonna be there
Is this bird reliable bc I don't wanna be wasted running around the bar asking where bananas is
but i have a bet that her boyfriend is going to try and deflower her tonight so i better get a move on if i want to videotape it
i woke up with toilet paper straight tucked up in my underwear wearing a pizza sauce mustach. I dont think i got laid last night.
He's trying to kill me, one liver cell at a time. It's going to be a slow, but awesome death
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
She woke me up, whispered "I like the size of your dick", kissed me, and rolled over and went back to sleep
got woken up at 7:30 by a drunk girl asking me where she was... apparently she slept on my futon
she was in a cheetah costume
You are the only person I know who got away with wearing a turtleneck while getting laid. ONLY person.
Also, fighting a very strong urge to nickname your dick Whitey Bulger, at least for today.
You know how I got mad at him for making out with his formal date? Apparently I fucked mine. I'm guessing any exclusivity is out of the question.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I hope your pay increase has gone through because I might need bail. This is not what I dreamed adulthood would be like.
I think I've just evolved into some kind of vodka fueled monster
is leaving the club to fk in his friends van subtle?
I wouldn't call us friends exactly. Honestly I just hang out with him so I can hit on his girlfriend. They won't last long, and I'll be there to pick up the scraps
WHAT IS WRONG WITH YOU
MANY MANY THINGS AND MOST OF THEM ARE YOUR FUCKING FAULT
I got sprayed in the face with titty milk and I'm still so traumatized
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