I just made a milkshake without a blender... thats determination
you made pancakes with beer, you said they were good. then you threw up 15 minutes later
I think I left a blow job at your house. Can I come down and get it?
I gave it to your brother to give to you.
Just downloaded the entire Justin Bieber album sober.. I think you know how I'm doing.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I was so high that i was talking shit about a girl I was with via text, and I handed the phone to her so she could type the shit I was trying to say.
Saw a guy pass out and hit his head on a urinal. Laughing too hard to help him up
I did too many shots and now a kitten is trying to eat my bagel.
Dick in my face. Dick in my face. Dick in my face. Dick in my face. Dick in my face. Dick in my face. Dick in my face. Dick in my face.
Lead with your genitals is the best advice I can give you.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm watching my cat lick a used condom wrapper on my nightstand and I'm too hungover to move and do anything about it. Tequila Tuesdays can not be a thing.
It was less of a bar, and more of an abandoned basement that some people sell booze in.
I used my iced coffee to ice the bump on my head from last night
I'm on the porch day drinking and the neighbor is in his yard screaming about his amazing sandwiches, maybe we should move.
We need to borrow someone's dog. Just so we can non-creepily go to PetSmart and watch all the other dogs take photos with Santa
It’s awful. They need to open the bars. I’m now trolling grocery stores looking for dick
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