I just tried to pee in a pad to see if it was like a diaper. it's not.
I just got my poem back from the prof, there's a sticker of a girraffe on it and it says "you're awesome!" ... How can this even be considered real college?!?
You get to witness red pubes. I'm almost jealous. That's like my dream.
Woke up with a chicken parm sandwich in my clutch. Aaaand I'm eating it.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I'm going to knit you a pair of furry handcuffs. And you said that knitting class was dumb.
How am I supposed to stop smoking pot when girl scout cookies are being sold.
You disappeared for 10 minutes. Then came back with nothing but your boxers and a life jacket on to tell us we were all screwed when the flood came and you would be the only survivor.
Woke up on the couch with one cowboy boot on and a hat over my crotch. God bless texas.
It's like my uterus needs a hug... and anti depressants
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I just want to go home and eat bagel bites in my underwear
Is it inappropriate to match with someone on tinder just to ask if the friend in his profile picture is single?
I'll never lecture you, go get that dick baby girl make momma proud,I didn't raise no quitter
I seriously thought Satan had his hand up my asshole and was pulling out my soul. Never. Again.
Soooooooo high. David tried to rinse the water droplets out of the sink for 5 minutes
It’s a good thing I’m the only one in the office today. My boy toy stopped by and now there is jiz all over my desk and couch
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