dude! the alphabet song and twinkle twinkle little star are like the same tune
what drug did you take to come to that conclusion??
She just used a chaser for red wine.
Apparently I mistakenly called the hair club for men at 3am... they called me back this morning.
the paramedic just looked at me like "you again?"
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
She tried to escape and she fell and hit the door. She's gunna freak when she wakes up with only half a tooth.
Trust me I was high for like 5 years...I got this
I wish we knew morse code and could knock to each other through the wall
Nothing says casual like stairwell bjs
Either that or he's gagged in a strangers trunk right now.
Well I suppose either way he's learning a pretty tough lesson right now.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
But I REALLY want to hide my crazy for as long as possible with him so he'll date me.
If I was banging all the guys that people think I am, I'd quit buying batteries.
The sex was so good I feel like I could run a triathlon, hit big at the casino, and defeat ISIS.
Should I apologize to him for saying I wanted to punch him in the face as I was digging through the trash?
Me: I shouldn't go to the airport bar it's too expensive and I don't need it. Dark me: SHOTS AT 7 AM
Accidentally drunk dialed my mom last night. Started the conversation with "Where you at girl?"
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