All I'm saying, is that being compared to a Muppet is not the end of the world.
I'm trapped in whichever ring of hell is populated by inbred yokels and type 2 diabetes.
That fucking fat Asian kid that NOBODY invited is stuck in the dryer again
Looking for things to spread butter on. Found men's briefs in garbage can. Lost insurance card. Summer has finally arrived
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Omg! I'm gonna have a heat stroke. I'm going to collect my sweat and drink it for a buzz and hydration purposes
On 3 separate occasions, she grabbed my bullhorn to announce to the entire party she had fucked me.
You gave me balls I gave you half a boob. Fair trade
Please note: when a bouncer tells you to leave, pointing out that their career path makes them a much better judge what to do will not make you friends
I have better things to do with my life than be faithful.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Tried to put an eye patch on while hooking up with a girl. She was not amused.
Had an orgasm and got a charley horse at the same time. It was a multi-purpose scream.
Okay, the good news, found Jared, all IDs accounted for, Jack is meeting us at yours with your requested the delivery. The bad news: Lost Alice, banned from Stages, possibly fucked my TA in the bathroom.
You think your roommate is bad? The guy they paired me with is such a nerd, his very presence at a party blocks every cock in the room.
i think the people from taco bell are onto us. they had my order ready today at 3am BEFORE I even got there.
woke up hungover this morning lying in a water raft covered in water.. i dont know if i should consider this good or bad
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