drunk at some random house party. come get me. i thought i pulled my dick out to go piss... it was my left nut. im soaked.
Awww my brother is growing up soo fast!! He just gave me the, "I know you're high but I won't tell mom n dad" look!
is it a bad thing if he can only get off when i start talking like one of the girls from Jersey Shore??
when i came out to my mom, it was over brunch. i was eating a banana. not exactly my smartest breakfast choice.
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Sucks about the cops last night
to be honest when I first looked up I wanted to know who was coming from a costume party..
I knew he was a nice guy, because when we switched positions he flipped the mattress so I wouldn't have to lay in a pool of his sweat.
KNEE DEEP IN HOES. SEND HELP.
its before 9am and ive already had to dip my dick and balls in a glass of milk. probably isnt a good sign for how today is going to go.
No more. You can't have nice things, and vodka is a nice thing.
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In my drunk state I was like I ONLY HAD SEX WITH SOMEONE ELSE BECAUSE HE WAS THE HOTTEST GUY IVE EVER EVEN SEEN
How do I carry myself in a way that says "I swallow"?
I'm gay. Congratulations to whoever had January 2014 in their pool.
There's nothing quite like having a little 8 year old boy hand me a Bible on campus while I'm on my way to the health center because of my recent slutty tendencies.
That car ride home was pretty awkward. Your feeling up the girlfriend to the guy who's throwing up out the window. Thanks for that.
Lighting a fucking bong with a candle. Straight up dedication.
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