I blacked out in 45 minutes and woke up with a missed call from someone I saved in my phone as the karate kid.
we sang "a whole new world" together. either he's my gay best friend or the love of my life.
Soooo my gf got the droid and doesn't have BBM anymore, I think its over for her
still finding ketchup in my shoes. thanks to graduation that is probably the last time ill ever say that..
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I was afraid that she would smell her boyfriend's penis on my breath while we were talking.
If Dave says he's going to have sex with her, he's going to fuck her retarded and turn her crazy. So run.
After I finished inserting the catheter he said he thought my name was familiar. Didn't have the nerve to tell him he was my fifth grade teacher.
I think I'm gonna quit partying for awhile. Piercing my own nose is where I draw the line.
We're using joints as your birthday candles
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Remember don't think of it as being an alcoholic until something bad happens.
Think of it as Mythbusters for people who say you're going to get arrested or die
I was trying to fart in my sleep in the hopes that he would leave
They only searched every other person. But I sacrificed myself to get our vodka across the border
I was christened with Fireball shots by some guy at the bar. I'm practically Jesus now.
I needed to pee, so I climbed out his window
Just woke up with only a scarf and my uggs on. i hate partying naked in winter.
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