We were chasing that deer in the quad and next thing I remember I woke up in my RAs bed. I'm probably in trouble.
Midget Michael Jackson impersonator dancing to Beat it in Penn Station almost caused me to miss my train. God, I
I think we should see other people.
Already working on it.
That's like rubbing a penis in my face and not giving it to me.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Turns out that my surprise "happy birthday" drop-in for my dad turned into a "my parents like afternoon sex a lot" realization.
I let that bitch know in no uncertain terms I was taking the coke dealer in the breakup
His water bottle is sitting on my coffee table like a monolith dedicated to the things he is not doing to my vagina.
Not yoga, whiskey. Totally mis-typed whiskey.
Just fyi there is a naked girl somewhere in your house. I woke up and she was gone, definitely left her clothes tho
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I was so drunk last night I couldn't see faces, only from the shoulders down.
If you don't see me at the bar tomorrow night, I was most likely captured by the communists.
driving home hungover today was like a life test..it was like the goblet of fire
Too bad, iambic pentameter is a drunk specialty of mine.
Taking care of drunk people fulfills my need to be a mother
ok first of all what the fuck
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