ok, im coming! i just found some lemon square in my bangs, washing that out..this shit is all over me! was i in a pie eating contest?
yes
did i win? did you like my outfit? or should i change, if you were horny would you bang me?
You tipped the bathroom lady $20 and then yelled "IT'S YOUR LUCKY DAAAAAAAY" at her.
he aimed his bare ass at the sparkler, farted, and it really did work...i love 4th of july anal fire works
the liquor store owner came out from behind the counter and kissed my cheek when he saw that i am back for fall semester
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Only mom could turn an abortion day into a shopping day
from the looks of the bare footprints in the snow it looks like i was dancing in circles which explains the frozen puke
You missed lesbians having sex in the bathroom and the whole bar clapping for them. I had to do recon. It was amazing
How do I tell her I need the lights out when I'm getting head because she and my mom share a perm color
i formally give you permission to eat me when i pass out
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Yeah,I'm just gonna keep fucking other guys til this idiot figures out he loves me.
i feel like a cleansing fire is the only way to purify the house
Smoking weed with a blind guy, don't worry he's chill.
I can't believe you tried to cock block me from A DIFFERENT TIME ZONE.
I choose my mates solely based on size and ability. No cuddles. No sleep overs. Definitely no repeats.
how do you say “i know we haven’t hung out in a month, but i gave myself an amazing orgasm to your picture the other day” without coming on too strong
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