you wouldn't even come home last night... Dead to me
good penises are hard to come by.... must be the economy...
i just watched kanye west and taylor swift have a chugging contest. why cant halloween be every day
So I'm really hungover walking to work and these douches from comcast on bikes ask if they can take a picture with me to show that they're doing their job. The picture: me, this chick from comcast, i'm holding a 2 ft. pixie stick, a comcast flyer and i'm puking in the parking lot. sounds like their doing a good job!
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Weird question, would you want to do fetish porn? you get paid.
my mom just cut me up lemons and limes so i would have some vitamins with my tequlia
wanna play who's drunker? I just made macaroni & cheese taco and offered it to the pizza Guy as a tip.
when she first told me she hooked up with him my initial response was to shout "WE HAVE SOMETHING IN COMMON!"
You did this to me with your delicious pizza and moonshine.
I'll forgive you once we're drunk again by noon.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I woke up naked on his boat with a cowboy hat on with a boat cover over me... Thank you tequila!
Dude you of all people would miss her giving him a handjob in front of the whole party
Yeah well you try taking nice pictures while you have pizza crust lodged in your throat
Day two of not drinking, I think my cat is trying to eat me.
Psychosis secondary to sobriety???
I'm to the point of desperation where I stare at customers penis imprints through their pants all day
I'm not having sex with him if he doesn't believe in gay marriage and abortions.
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