my roommate just caught me washing a dildo in the sink.
Ramen noodles and uncensored jerry springer episodes, what a nice life i have.
I'm giving up shame for lent. Here come the best 40 days and nights of my life.
if tampons were more like dildos the world would be a better place
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If you fool around, take the WHITE sweatshirt off of her first. It's mine, and I don't like your cum nearly as much as she does.
Im at target. Idk why I'm buying condoms AND a tutu for my cat. No one who dresses their cat up has ever gotten laid.
It's one of those mornings where you wake up and want to go to church for the first time in ten years. THAT shameful.
Whiskey and I have a long and stories tradition of excellence
If he's the sort of guy that will fuck in a public restroom, he's the sort of guy that will cheat on his gf. I'm goin for it.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Professor just informed us that she can't come to class today because her daughter broke her glasses and she can not see where she is going. Am I still drunk from this weekend?
How does one hint at their mentee that they used to casually fuck his brother
I mean you're asking high Chelsea. I'd sell myself for a rice crispy
Do you ever go take a shit and end up sitting on the toilet for like 45 minutes wondering what the fuck you're doing with your life?
Everyday my friend, everyday.
No he doesn’t answer my texts except for like on New Year’s Because like I was fucked up on New Year’s and he said happy new year and I told him the same and I called him dragonslayer and you can’t really recover from that
Only true party girls take their birth control with Smirnoff.
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