Just so you know, each of my boobs fits perfectly in a martini glass.
In hindsight maybe we should have moved his homework instead of playing quarters on top of it.
There is a girl in bio drinking beer out of a starbucks cup with a straw
Just realized after we're done pre-gaming for St. Patricks Day, we have March Madness, the first day of spring, and Easter to pre-game for. March is a great month.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Dude its barely eleven am and there is already a firetruck and ambulance at the shamrock...happy st paddys day
The last thing I remember is funneling tequila out of a pink noodle.
okay, I promise to stop paying strippers to hit you
Found a Safeway Deli Sandwich in the shower this morning... Perhaps the 9th beer was unnecessary.
The sorority chicks were the Persian army, and we were their 300 Spartans. Can barely stand up now...such a good ratio
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
we did shots in class this morning as part of a presentation. WHY AM I LEAVING THIS COUNTRY?!
Last night when you stole the construction sign you told me to tell you that first you did it for the money Than you did it for the music But mostly you did it for your family
Part of my treatment is getting high and having sex with 22 year olds. I have a prescription!
I was chasing pulls of fireball with bites of a bagel and yelling at people to take tequila shots with me. I shouldn't be allowed to go out alone.
God is tempting me with everything tonight. Brownies and dick, mostly.
Welcome to your 30’s, where every one night stand is most likely with someone’s father
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