I woke up, mistook him for my ex, and started screaming. It was all that chest hair. I don't think this relationship is going anywhere.
Let's hear it for middle of the street handjobs ladies and gentlemen
and she's shaped like a lego person so that's not happening
You kept yelling that her vagina looked like a hatchet wound.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
He found my weave.. Think he'll still fuck me Friday? And how do I ask for it back?
Like I couldn't describe it to you but if they did a lineup of penises i'd be able to pick it out.
Legitimate logistical question....how did you pee in your duct tape dress?
i was mezmorized. she was the most beautiful girl that looked like a boy i ever seen
His wife made me pancakes and let me borrow a clean shirt. Should I drop his class or use this to my advantage
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Dude, you flipped off a cat from my balcony and yelled at it to get a house
I just gave parenting advice and had a discussion about the distribution of wealth in america...in a bar. I'm starting to think its me and not you lol
Dude, you vomitted into a trashcan wearing your bear hands and high heels. Your drug dealer even said that was rough.
Nothing says "I Love you" like my dick in a pizza box
I found them in the bathroom trying to wrap an American flag around Steve's dick. I didn't bother to ask questions.
I didn't think I was even that high but when we were standing in the cop car's headlights I totally forgot how to use my arms
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