Booty call?
Dude you don't even follow my twitter
mrs. f**** your sons in jail, if you can help with bail please respond, if not please dont tell him i told you.
Whenever I miss you I just turn on Tool Academy
How the hell can the Olympic committee frown so much on weed and yet put on a show you would have to be high to actually enjoy?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
the girls im babysitting are trying to see how much jello they can swallow without chewing...their future boyfriends are lucky
I should just tell him this. He doesn't need to be all nice and ask me on dates and to do gay stuff like hangout during the day. I'll still sleep with him regardless.
I just realized that he was my first random hookup that didnt cause a massive breakup or divorce. Im starting to grow up
Are you absolutely against sleeping in your car? Because i've done that before.
i'm laying here naked in a pile of empty landshark bottles, is lauren still hiding under the toilet?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
She's like a connoisseur of porn. Her collection has things in it I never even knew existed. She even has an Italian batman porno. Where has she been all my life?
Every time you talk about your facial hair I immedately get horny
I think she tried to suffocate me with her tits...she almost succeeded.
He seems like a nice guy. I mean, I know he's married and he's essentially paying me to be his side hoe, but he really seems like a good person.
He lives in a tent in my ex'd backyard. Why the fuck would you want any of that dirty dick?
Just got invited to a tree party by some random chicks. They're literally just sitting up in a tree with a handle of rum and a box of goldfish crackers and yelled at me as I was walking by...
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