ya i looked horrible drunk and pregnant isn't a good combination
im going to live freely with my legs opened and my heart closed
And he tried to make it as casual as possible by asking where i was going on vacation while he was poundin me.
Does anyone know who that girl who fell backwards and broke the shoe rack with her head was?
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I would makeout with my roommate, but im not drunk enough and she doesnt like bacon fat
You blackout rapped the entire DMX song Party Up last night at karaoke without looking at the screen. Then you Tebowed on stage, hugged a black guy, puked in a garbage can, then left. You deserve a medal.
If you take a couple more shots you won't even know he's a mormon that drives a mini van.
She invited me to Bikini Yoga with her friends. Sounds promising.
Props to the guy blatantly doing coke in the bathroom at the bar. Walked out of the stall with a credit card in hand, sniffing loudly and shouting "choo choo"
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One day i'll wow you with artfully trimmed pubes.
I think my dove chocolate wrapper just told me to masturbate.
I'm pmsing and only have one functional foot
I just put vagisil on my bug bites how do you think my morning is going
It's almost like sex was the ice breaker and now we're sociable at the gym
So? Find me, fuck me, then you can go to sleep and I'll leave.
Wow. That's the most amazing thing anyone has ever said to me.
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