Just tipped at a bar in cheerios. Suck it.
he stole me 6 pairs of frilly undies and proclaimed "your ass looks like a 5 in those. it'll be a 10 in these bad boys". every girl needs a gay bff.
Surefire way to sober up: discover that your car is being towed at 2 am.
My 10 year old brother handed me a pack of condoms and said "here, i don't wanna be an uncle yet."
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
the last thing i remember is ordering pitchers of white russians....
He's more than prepared to help us move. Dude brought sunscreen, cans of Coke, and Captain Morgan.
And on the seventh day, God carefully sculpted your cock to fit perfectly into my masterpiece of a vagina. Then he rested. Look it up.
He filled four shots of Everclear and walked around saying "FREE VODKA SHOTS". he is to blame.
Went to bed with a bowl of spaghetti O's on my chest, I make my own breakfast in bed. New level of laziness
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
jen just told me ur idea of revenge was saluting while letting his bong float away while attached to some balloons.
you told me your favorite colors were "pink" "no pants" and "Mexican food"
Are you texting, crying and driving?
And missing part of my eyebrow. Correct that is the description one would give of me at the moment.
I think that maybe Alyssa may of had too much to drink. is it normal for her to straddle random people in quizno's?
Just reached for my phone in my non existant pocket while it was in my hand.
There’s an entire generation of people out there who didn’t grow up watching Mr. Rogers and it shows. These Boomers need to get their shit together.
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