not only are you not the girl i fell in love with, but from the looks of it, you ate her
Did he leave or is he still there?
He left right away, I might have passed out. I saw your text and was like who left where? Then the oh shit feeling sunk in, hangover starting now.
If it wasnt for my iphone and loopt, I would still be wandering the streets in a drunken stooper. Thanks Steve Jobs.
you were mad bc i took longer then 2 minutes to finish
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
My sole motivation for showering this morning was to masturbate. Something is wrong here...
I'm making a conscious effort to limit my spending at the bars...i wrote "FOR CAB ONLY" on a $20 last night
Just bartered a McD's cheeseburger and fries for two pitchers. Oregon Trail ain't got shit on me.
Will it be a clothes optional week when I get there? I have an amazing outfit of tattoos and toenail polish planned.
You bring me burritos. Of course I text you during sex
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
My butt remains clenched, sir.
I want to ride his face like a jet ski
Sex on the trampoline with your two best friends cheering you on: PRICELESS.
Whats spookier? Halloween or waking up to a drunk text from your ex telling you how awesome you are at 2am
He casually compared computer science to childbirth and I was like "hey, as someone who has wanted to fuck you for six months now, could you please never talk about childbirth ever again"
Turns out my GF and my FWB have a mutual friend. Yada yada yada, I need to crash on your couch
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