saw "Pah-jure" lube. Thought of you. Wearing the same clothes to work tomorrow.
I stayed in, ate a pint of Hagen daas and watched a movie about aids. Soooooooo single.
I know it is almost summer when the students in my night class start showing up drunk.
I don't talk to her anymore. I lit her birthday presents on fire. Who the fuck puts candles that close to tissue paper?
nah, they dropped the charges. apparently ripping his junk when he tried to hop the fence seemed like punishment enough...
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I just used cruise control in a 25 zone. When will this hangover end???
Crazy how fast a room full of drunk teenagers sober up when someone breaks his parents' new flat screen
Yeah haha but we have no idea where his keys are. Last night was awful. Him and Chancey were in a fully embraced bro hug at one point. Both crying.
Yeah even if I got stabbed it would be worth it
Seriously, I woke you up with tacos, I think I deserve the best girlfriend ever award
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Judging by the progress I've made since I woke up (none) I'm thinking this hangover may keep me in bed.
Hey I'm coming to get my gin do you want a good luck blowjob for your exam tmrw
He played Harry Potter Fan Fiction videos to get me in the mood. He might be the one.
We fucked. Had a political debate. I won. So I sat on his face.
Ok well my life just seems more exciting by default because I'm dating my married boss and sexting with my ex
i forgot how loud opening a beer is in a house where your not allowed to drink
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