I swear that men would be more efficient if they had a semen gauge on their penises
So Jesus turned water into wine. So what? I once turned a whole student loan into natty light. Your move holy man.
Bring my lunch to work in liquor store bags is doing nothing for my career
she puked as i came inside her. that has to mean something.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You can't find true love with Budweiser and a futon
My puffy vagina and I are on the way to the doctor to see what your mutant penis did to us THANKS A LOT
Walking out of the bathroom and not knowing you have hand soap on the front of your pants so it looks like you blew a load on yourself really sets the tone for the rest of the week...
I find it ironic...the gays are dying to get married & I just want a fucking divorce
Sure. But we have to be quiet.
Ninja mode activated
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Just had a serious discussion with my ex-boyfriend about sexy nurse vs. sexy teacher. So score one for friendship I guess.
And they're not making a turkey. My cousin was "hoping to shoot a bird this week"
Just convinced a housekeeper at work to set up her 401k. Gotta start hittin the gb every morning before work. Happy 420
WEED BROWNIES! He put weed in my brownie mix! And he got it from YYYYOOOOUUUU!
Look at the bright side mom. After 20 years dad is still capable of surprising you!
Shut up Max.
I forgot wine drunk hurts
ever feel bored AND lazy?
I call it "awake" but yeah...
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