If I ever start a band I'm gonna name it "Nancy Reagan's Vagina"
Which one of you FUCKERS filled the toilet with soil and planted my mothers daisys in it? NOT FUCKING HAPPY
are you sure you're not interested? he's the dunkin donuts employee of the month.
Too tired to do the dishes so I made mac and cheese in a teapot. There's still some left if you want some...
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I feel like Tiger Woods should send Jesse James a gift basket or something...
Hey on the reals though tomorrow if i take you out to lunch as just a friend will you also suck my cock as just a friend?
walk of shame into the pharmacy with a busted up chin and laughing the lady at the counter rolled her eyes at me when I asked for the morning after pill.
If you were awake I would probably ride my bike over, fuck you like a god, leave you in the wonders of life, and bike home
Well it's like a wise man once told me: "If you're going to shave your balls, don't do it hungover."
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Captain America stopped by our tailgate. He ate a taco.
So when's a good time this week to show up at your apartment in nothing but a trench coat and a bow? Y'know. Hypothetically.
Can I just text her like "yo sorry I fucked your boyfriend, let's go get sushi" or like nah
Do you ever get a cramp in like, ONE labia?
I may or may not be drunker than time right now.
oh what is to come when my single life starts with a threesome?
Randomize