You up for the gym tonight after work?
I'm up for a light workout and a nice yog.
Fair enough, I'm gonna hit it hard today.
Chris Brown style, or less felonious?
Haha, all felonious.
Baconater + red wine = first meal of the day
Help. Me. He just whispered 'prepare yourself', & sprayed hairspray everywheres to make sure the 'air was crisp'
She screams like she's just fallen out of a helicopter when she cums.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Worst walk of shame everrr. Hopefully the thought of me walking 20 minutes in the freezing cold with someone else's sweatpants, a bra on & high heels will cheer you up today.
Oh god there are people jogging. Fuck off productive people, you don't know me.
How am I feeling this morning? Well, besides the fact that my vagina looks like a pair of giraffe's lips and I'm walking like an over-confident cowgirl, I'm fantastic. Thanks for your concern.
If you are breathing, I want you at your house. No non-breathing-related excuses.
Se wrote an essay in class about proper and fashionable winter wear for dogs. Of course I regret fucking her.
You know you're hung over when the glare from the cream cheese on your bagel is just too bright...
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Well the good news is ill probably have my new boobs by the time he sees me naked
that game of battleshots got way too fucking intense. why does the couch have burn marks now.
This pedicure right now is the most physical I've been with a guy all month
There's a set of buzz lightyear wings in lost and found at work. I just need access to your roof.
Just woke up with the taste of tequila, weed, and cigarettes in my mouth spooning a friend I haven't seen since college wearing one contact and one ankle sock. I hate myself.
I'm about to take plan-b with a glass of wine and ramen noodles. I cannot decide who will hurt more...my vagina, my kidneys or my pride.
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