I can't get in trouble, i'm smoking a bong in the office right now
I feel violated. a guy just did an ultrasound on my balls. He made eye contact..
I just got a facebook invite to join a group called "bring back the old franzia spout." i never want our generation to grow up.
I'm telling everyone at work the mark on my neck is a hickey but really I was taking a shit while straightening my hair and burned myself
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
He just keeps repeating "this isn't my bagel".. i'm worried for his safety
No she had like 2 shots and started ironing her clothes and whispering random shit in my ear
No, I've only ever seen his brother's dick. So when I have lucid sex dreams, I just do a little cut and paste in my mind and stick his bro's package onto him.
He made me keep his swollen nut cold with frozen bags of peas while rubbing his tummy because he said I had no choice.
Teeth make me feel like a dinosaur. Can you feel yours?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
It's been a long time since I got "Talk about Glen's enormous penis" drunk
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I started singing I believe I can fly in the shower and it was like the first stage of insanity
I just really hate taking care of things... If I can't fill it with liquor I'm not sure what to do with it.
I DMed the cop that arrested me to come unlock my keys out if my car today
Yesterday I went home with one shoe, today I go home with three. Fucking win.
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