Goal for tonight: Make one last drunken mistake for the semester.
i just remembered that i beat off next to you while we were naked and passed out next to each other after last night... No Homo
True life I used my fake as a photo id for my final. My professor told me good luck and laughed. Hope the bouncers are in the St. Patrick's day spirit.
Our phone convo was getting intense. Then I heard her say "quiet mommy is trying to have phone sex"
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Just made hot dog dorito pasta. It happened.
We got to the party at eleven, and the host was already in the hospital from being stabbed. And she brought the stabber home with us when we left.
Please acknowledge the sock on the door. If not it will be rammed up your ass.
Ya know what's been the best part of this College Football Season? Not having to hear Brent Musberger say the Honey Badger 77 fucking times.
My mom just told me not to dance on any tables on Halloween...I'm choosing to take that statement as a joke
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I know I say this every year but 2015 will be the year I finally have sex with David's sister
I mean I could but due to my age and being a mother and all I feel it's poor judgment to give fellatio in a public establishment.
I sat on his face and watched Mean Girls. It was a good date.
I'm wearing a fleece onesie eating pop tarts on the train to work. Killing it.
This Asian instant coffee I found in ur kitchen is like crack. Who knew I could feel my heart beating in my asshole after one cup of this happiness.
I just tried to dye my pubic hair teal for her
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