I'll start drinking again when I know where I am
There's a fat drunk walrus bitch here next to me and shes already puked and now falling on herself
OH FUCK NOW HER BOYFRIEND IS MAKING OUT WITH HER VOMIT HOLE
Sounds like a good blink 182 concert...
I just saw fred flintstone in my fruity pebbles!
what drugs are you on?
none, cept for the pain medication i got prescribed by the doc: it said 2 pills every 3 hours, but I took 6 cuz i'll be away from home later
Thank you for holding my vodka while the police let me ride their horse.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I fucking love fucking science majors-- she told me that she wanted to know if her gag reflex got better or worse with alcohol, and that her initial evidence had been inconclusive. So, next few weeks, yeah, gettin blown periodically. All I have to do is keep a log.
Is it bad when your hot neighbor is crying on her porch, and your 2nd thought is "maybe her boyfriend cheated on her and she'll want to fuck me for revenge sex?"
Perfectly normal.
Should I have a moral quandary about Skyping topless with him while his son slept in the other room?
it looks like my getting laid tonight is going to depend on my knowledge of native birds. this is a weird party
It's not that he's ugly its just that being blind folded makes everything less awkward
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I was wearing my get used bookstore shirt when we fucked. Ironic yet appropriate.
Just sucked some sandy dick on a boardwalk & now I'm at a family reunion hbu
I just shaved my pubes into a heart shape. if that doesn't scream romantic idk what does
Ok well my life just seems more exciting by default because I'm dating my married boss and sexting with my ex
What the hell did you do last night?
I embarrassed myself, my family, name, and possibly my country.
I just bought six bottles of the 2 dollar vodka. oh yes there will be blood
Randomize