Sex on bubble wrap = best decision ever.
Just got caught pissing on a plant in her room while she was in the shower first word out of my mouth were my bad
I'm sorry about your car but on a brighter note I did wake up in my dorm. That's something right?
Fuck you.
sooo....i just remembered that someone fed me a pretzel out of their purse at the bar last night.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Saturday at 4 is jello wrestling sponsored by the senior class council. That's why my school is awesome. Boom.
Okay! I've got my sketchbook, my purse, my coat, and a knife hidden in my cleavage. I'm ready for to meet my blind date~
I wish they could condense everything I needed, nutritionally speaking, into mike and ikes
I'm sad we weren't friends when I went through my "I like drugging my friends" phase
Tim and I found you a 5ish and asked how you were doing with the breakup. All you said was "i can't words"
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I was thinking that, but I'm not sure the proper etiquette on asking about someone's nipple rings. Even if you did see them and compliment them once.
If you enjoy dance recitals as much as I do, that's one shitty Father's Day...
As long as you keep bringing fries home, i'll keep being naked when you get home
I had fresh baked oatmeal cookies, tacos AND was on deck to give a stellar blow job. You'd think that'd be a win/win/win situation.
Abby there's no shame in reading porn. It takes more work than watching I suppose
I just want to find somebody intelligent enough to trick my parents into thinking she's not a trophy wife. Is that too much to ask?
Randomize