fuck yea just found my unicorn costume from when i was 8... still fits
woke up in Sigma Chi. In his room. they are iniating pledges right now. Holy fucking shit mother of pearl.
You guys need to stop introducing me as "the girl you shared"
What's a "vodkaffle"?
It's where she puts vodka in the waffle mix.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
He just asked if I would make his black snake moan. Dating basketball players is not worth the glory
On a side note I think I burnt my eyebrow when we "teter-totered" into the fire
Top reasons to NOT leave jessica to her own devices : 1. Drinking becomes a competitive sport ( in which she is the only one competing) 2.big girl words= no worky 3. Whiskey refuses to be a good friend (as much as she insists ). 4. Waking up at six a.m. still in her swim suit is super awkward. 5. It isn't a fun game to figure out which person she gave her number to and 6. Yesterdays eyeliner doesn't look good today.
I was masturbating in my bed this morning when my ipod alarm went off and it started playing "show me the meaning of being lonely"
Moment of the day: as we leave the restaurant, she reaches into my pocket, pulls out her panties, and angrily marches to her car. I felt like a sketchy magician.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Eating chips and sending nudes. This is my life.
For both our sake, we've decided to ban watching combat sports before sex
You wanna come over?
Too high to be booty called. My cereal is growing hair.
Just ate 2 pieces of pizza in the shower.. New low or fuckin brilliant??
I didn't have anyone to cheers so I tapped my beer on your fish tank... a little too hard
Don’t be alarmed my pee bowl is in your shower
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