Fyi I let myself into your place, I'm wearing some of your clothes in your bed. Come take them off
Fun fact: tonight on intervention was the guy who did my tattoo
Some fat girl belted her graduation gown. That is not a good look for anyone.
Ordered weed last night from the delivery service, and who showed up...my old real estate broker. He said, "this is less stressful." Duh.
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I woke up to the sound of a beer can being opened. I love him already
Ummm. I just wanna say this now: Don't let me invite the band back to the apartment to see my stripper pole.
Yeah, it kinda sucks. But it was fun while it lasted. And honestly, his penis is way too big for my life.
A gay black guy with blonde hair and a gold tooth just told me he would shit on my face.
Now it's a party.
She was wearing my robin hood hat from Halloween shouting "steal from the rich and give to the poor, mothafuckaaaaas." We are taking her everywhere.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Living room floor. I asked him to give me a back rub. He did. And smoothly transitioned that to foreplay, then basically threw me on the floor. My vagina hurts. He deserves another Christmas present.
I vaguely remember hanging my bra off the ceiling fan and chugging a beer during sex
College has turned you into quite the multi tasker huh?
Uhm after 8 I don't recall anything. All I know is there's a picture of me playing pong with my grandmother.
When he opened the car door the whole thing fell off. Even that can be forgiven via his monster cock.
COCAINE IS GR8
You fell while talking to a cop, then proceeded to acuse him of tripping you... he was arresting you for public intox.
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