don't tell her this, but while we were doing it doggy style I picked up my phone and changed my status to "who let the dogs out"
Just saved her as "new hostess that randy banged" ...I forgot her name
just snorted lines off a mancala board. I'm destined to win this game.
I really hope you aren't where I think you are. Dude she has a MUSTACHE. You need Jesus..
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
pre-gaming in the library. just gonna keep going until i'm too drunk to keep working and then i'll be there.
Bro I can't jerk it to my phone anymore. I feel Siri staring back, and she's real disappointed.
Like not in a "I wanna have sex with you way" more like a "I wanna cuddle your mustache way"
He used the expression "my couch is your couch" as a come on line.
he went at my nipples like a starved dog.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Why did you just send me a picture of your dinner?
CAUSE LOOK HOW MUCH SPAGHETTI I'M EATING
And then I fed you egg rolls in bed as you were screaming I'm moving out
I'm so high that hamburger just went up my nose. Mustard BURNS
Are we at that point yet where I can just say "I want you to sit on my face"? If not, want to go out for "drinks"?
I walked in on him fucking her whilst she ate skittles. I saw things no one should see, but I did get your bra back. You owe me.
I'm not fucking you with a Stormtrooper helmet on!
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