Planned Parenthood should have gift certificates.
He told me he loved me mid lick. Anyone that can look at me from that angle, lick my vagina, and say they love me must absolutely mean it
Guess who just hooked up with the cop that fingerprinted her?
i'm way too high for it to be safe that i just discovered i have a fire extinguisher
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Listen, you can whine about not having a "red" wine glass, or you can suck it up and chug it from the vase like the rest of us. The choice is yours.
That unicorn pillow pet really made sleeping with my head in the toilet a little better.
Its perfect, I supply the pot she makes the brownies. I love the culinary dept.
so we were doing it and I was like umm hi im losing my virginity can you take off your beanie
it was her dad's 50th birthday kegger. Within the first 5 minutes I got punched in the ear from an off-duty cop and smoked a joint the size of my vibrator.
oh yeah, and she got boxed-out by said cop. Then her dad turned around and high-fived him for it
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You licked my eyeball, you are officially cut off. If you just missed you can have a second chance on Friday.
I just moved my 11am hair appointment to 8am so I could blackout at noon. Who am I?
Isis wins if we don't have the loudest, kinkiest sex in every part of my house tomorrow
If anything I look like a soccor mom going out for her annual ladies night. Trying hard, but not quite in her twenty's anymore.
I'm high. I apologize for that last sentence
its 4am. iam sitting in the luggage car of the train eating beef jerkey. i feel like a hobo.
dont insult. no hobo is as pathetic as you.
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