somehow, due in part to drug cocktail and alchl prior to meeting, i blacked out, got home, made total mess of kitchen, broke shower, and made 17 hard boiled eggs
i just woke up in the hallway. not my hallway. i officially raise my hand to be DD next week.
I woke up to 'call me' written in red lipstick on my chest. Thats the hottest/sluttiest thing ever. I win at LIFE!
I think the world might be a better place if everyone was capable of having open relationships.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
they made me velveta mac and cheese and fish. I wanna stay here the rest of my life
I just found $40 in the jeans I wore last night. PS I also found the jeans I wore last night.
Nah, I'm just going to keep fucking him until he realizes we're perfect for each other.
and you're not allowed to put a penis in you if it's attached to a 26 year old who works at blockbuster
so I'm coping with getting the "I'm not over my ex" bomb dropped on me by getting drunk and yelling at people while wearing a purple princess hat
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
This guy has a theme song for the joints he rolls
I just meant the frequency of your blow jobs on a flow chart wouldn't look too promising
My horseshoe mustache feels at home at this bar.
See, this is why we give you shit. Ashley gets her car cleaned out, I get multiple enchiladas made, and you get cum in your eye.
I punched the bar tender after he cut me off. Hopped over the bar and made my own drink. That's how I got tazed
I opened the bathroom door and the starting point gaurd was eating out my art history professor
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