Highlight of my evening, pile of books falling onto me in front of people
He ate me out and then left in a hurry and shouted "Sorry to dine and dash" as he left my house
just walked past a group of stoners who were staring open jawed in the spice aisle. tonight they will stumble upon something amazing.
He doesn't know I'm infertile yet, that's when the sex gets good
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I told her shower beers are even better when you have someone in there with you and she said she's been looking for a new drinking buddy. It's a goooooo
woke up to a case of keystone on my porch when I went to bed at seven that morning.. I think it's someone's peace offering for getting my roommates car towed
Mind if I sleep with your cousin? If I can... thanks. If no, sorry its gonna happen.
You told us that you were going to become a 'new man' and threw your tv set out of a window.
The zoom feature on snap chat videos is the worst thing to ever happen to sexting
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
STOP GETTING GIRLS PREGNANT IN MY BED.
All of my friends are talking about changing their lives because they have an alcohol addiction and I'm over here reminding my boss that it's national beer day.
Masturbating with Lord of the Rings on was not how I planned my afternoon going but here I am.
I didn't even know we were hiding from the cops, I was just playing with the cats. People kept telling me to be quiet the cops are here and I was like DID YOU SEE THIS CAT!?
The adults are the big ones right?
Sean just lit a cig with his taser..... I am in awe
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