just witnessed a squirrel raping another squirrel. i couldn't look away.
Nyc is like a mosaic of my failed dates.
There was jim beam in your oven. I just preheated it.
Mission leave-the-puke-on-the-floor-til-the-dog-eats-it completed. I work smarter not harder
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
the bottle said: caution extremely flammable. so that was my motivation.
Her legal name is Candy. Her being a whore is implied.
As long as he sees me topless I don't care. Redemption. REEEDDDEMMMPPPTTIIIOOONNNNN
the last call horn was blaring when I tried peeling you off the bathroom floor than you uttered "Ill take the toothless one.'
Just had to buy plan b w/ my robotic baby from family living.. Awkward.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I think cutting a patient out of a owl costume is a first for those guys. It's a good story at least.
I'm beginning to think the entirety of my appeal is due to the size of my ass.
because. if I can't sit outside naked and eat my watermelon every morning then I really don't see the point in moving in with you.
Sooo a reasonable response to someone eating my lunch is to set the place on fire right?
I just got wasted for $3.50. My life can't get any better.
All I wanted to do was come home from work and masturbate for national sex day... I sliced my the tip of finger giving myself a pedicure so I can’t even do that #singlelife
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