My girlfriend figured out who you are.
I have a new reason to go to work: I can tell which 3 of my coworkers are sisters just by looking at their butts.
Pretty sure I just slept with Elmo.
i was more sad about losing him as neighbor on fishville than as a boyfriend
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Just got an Edible Arrangement my parents sent me for my birthday. Time to marinate some fruit in vodka.
No one wears that much makeup to work unless they are trying to fuck their boss, NO ONE
and i'm pretty sure he drank the lava lamp
my sober ride is dancing w/ a fat girl. i might be awhile
Drunk me forgot I'm not an 18yr old raver anymore. Adult me is now in pain.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I told her my hands were paint brushes and her vagina was my canvas
He just kept repeating "not with an octopus" over and over for hours. Soooooo Porn Dare was a succes.
He keeps bees of course he's weird
Your the only person to come back from spring break with a non std related infection
I also woke up in a guys bed in a Reptar shirt yesterday morning staring at a movie theater sized poster of the not as popular Air Bud franchise movie Super Buddies.
I need a fucking roommate.
You need a fucking babysitter.
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