well i just puked at a family gathering so i can cross that off the bucket list
I'm pretty sure she sent a group text out saying that I was the one to get with her last night and sorry to everyone who didnt make it.
Honestly it was an honor just to be nominated.
Thursdays are my worst days
but now we sippin champagne when we thirstay?
Why are my keys in the refrigerator?
You said "This is gonna really confuse me tomorrow." Apparently drunk you plays pranks on hungover you.
This explains so much.
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She went into the basement and sang to my cat for three hours....she actually has a beautiful voice....
You were screaming across the bar "BUYING US SHOTS ISN'T GOING TO MAKE US STRAIGHT, YA KNOW!!!!!!!!"
Yeah but I get laid and I know. He drank toilet water last night and he doesn't know about that either. Still makes me happy though.
Come over, we're having a tea party. And by a tea party I mean we're drinking whiskey from tea cups.
I may have to marry her. She is smarter than me and has a six figure job and doesn't want to have kids. All I have to be is a trophy husband.
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NO HOOKUPS IN THE CAR. I will try as i might to practice what i preach, but there are no guarantees.
I'm smoking a bowl with matches and a candle while my mother washes dishes downstairs. I thought adulthood was supposed to be different.
I ate too many pot brownies and passed out topless with my boobs painted like the American flag
That's right. I just LL Cool J'ed you up in this bitch. Zero fucks.
Can you imagine doing supermarket sweep in a sex store? What's the sex store equivalent of a whole ham?
is it weird that i just witnessed the marriage of someone ive had sex with on multiple occasions?
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