Dude, you really need to stop hitting on girls by telling them you sang a cappella in college.
You know, if there were no such thing as marriage, i don't think porn would exist.
im pretty sure one of the guys i was dancing with at graffiti wrote on my back "you rock". now feel like a danced with a 5 year old.
Just did a shot to pluto being a planet again. I love science.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You were mumbling a lot and offered me 20 dollars to leave you alone
I may still return these pants. Depends how much they smell like alcohol by tmrw morning. I've already spilled once.
Driving by his house every hour is not stalking, it's a reconnaissance mission... How else can I confront him
He's German, so by default he gets to fuck me.
Either your boy toy or the kid who pulled a knife on me in high school is here
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
No amount of beer will make me feel better about this. It's time for Emergency Whisky
I woke up to him "wax on, wax off"-ing my boobs. I just reminded myself that I love him and let it happen.
So instead of going to meet her mom, I decided to jump out of her window which was about 1.5 stories off the ground. I'm alright, but I ended up meeting her mom anyway.
I’m drunk and naked and looking for my charger - title of my autobiography.
can you take a pic of your glorious tits but not send it just yet? I need motivation to finish this bull shit presentation.
Hypothetically speaking of course, is it bad if a cat eats lube?
Randomize