I'm taking a dump and eating a fortune cookie and it said "Force it to be successful"
When are you freeeeeeeeee?
My phone auto corrected that to freeeeeeeeeedoooooooooom. That's kinda awesome.
i keep walking around campus wondering if anyone is as stoned as i am
she keeps The Day After Pill in her bra... there is a God.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
She just said she finds Tyler Perry funny... this is not going to work.
u think ur still drunk from last night? i just put the eggs in the freezer and the remote in the sink. I don't wanna fucking hear it.
As I was going down on her I noticed she had a tatoo on her inner thigh that said "Eat it like your birthday cake".
he even offered to make my bed in the morning.
so i literally woke up after a night of doing lines to a bag of pretzels falling off my bed. a reminder that maybe this is a contributing factor to my freshman 15.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I spent the whole weekend building houses out of popsicle sticks for my bowls. How was your weekend?
Believe me. As soon as the boss man is out the door. I am on my way to wow your vagina with my horse-like attributes.
In hindsight combining orgy Thursday with mystery drink madness was begging for failure
10/10 dentists agree that he is one bangable mother fucker. hint: i am all of these dentists.
What are you talking about? Keg stands at wedding are super classy.
How'd things go with that guy last night?
He threw up in the consol in my car then started crying about his ex girlfriend.
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