I am apparently in rockville maryland. I just threw up my tater tots I had fro brunch in a safeway parking lot. Then ordered a pizza. Pepperoni and pineapple. I'm sitting in the parking lot, next to my barf, waiting for my pizza. WOOF. Someone just gave me an oxycontin tab. Can u come get me? I'm scared
I'm at taco bell and they have a hiring sign asking "do you like to melt things?" clearly they only want the ambitious.
I should have taken pre-gaming this lunch date more seriously.
He rode a broom down the stairs while we were mattress surfing. Naked. Buck ass naked. WTF
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I pulled an all nighter. So hoped up on coffee and aderall. Pretty sure you could take my pulse through a snow jacket...
Change the recording on your voicemail. He found your number and my ass print on the car hood.
Well just watched a guy puke in a trash can then proceed to pick pizza outta said trash can and eat it
There is a 90 percent chance I threw up in a mailbox last night....
no need to worry, I have the internet and a cape, I can accomplish anything. nothing can go wrong, I am unstoppable. Yo.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Let's hurry up so I can puke at home instead of my van
Why do I feel like I need to drink to feel better about the things I do when I'm drunk
Drank your wedding present. Sorry
Do you wanna do something, or just stare at each other and fantasize about death like we usually do
While buying Plan B the lady at the counter looked at me and said hope you have a successful night as I walked away in shame
He is married, and has a regrettably large penis. I need to find another one right away to get myself out of this mess.
How big does a penis have to be before it becomes regrettably so?
Randomize