I just found out my birth date is Pick Your Poison Day. Goodbye, conscience, forever. I was born to live like this.
I'm telling you the guy came in bought a box of condoms and all three of the chicks that came in behind him followed him to his car. I want his life
There were 4 naked women demanding my presence. Of COURSE I got into the pool.
Dude, she introduced me to her best friend form Russia and she was a 10. Her other Russian friend was even hotter. How did communism fail?
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Im debating on how to word my craigslist post so i dont get arrested...
Despite what happened tonight, Im still expecting Jesus birthday sex
I just got a flashback from Saturday night of you helping me wash my feet in the bar's bathroom.
I think I'm going to make a pina klonopin before class.
He tried to stick it in and I asked him what he wanted to name our child and he quit.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I am downstairs in the bar now having a beer...actually I ordered two beers and placed one across from me in front of an open chair. I did this for appearance sake, so nobody knew I was double fisting all alone. I'm getting hungry now. I'm thinking of ordering two meals just to keep appearances up.
Luke did at least 8 shots of pure mayonnaise last night. I am not sure if that is better or worse than my 2 cement mixers?
He's on the bus now and took off his Amish hat so just his long ginger beard is present. Goodbye, majestic Amish ginger. Go forth and represent your minority well.
My vagina has a heartbeat. That means I'm in love, right?
I just spent 100$ at a sex shop to make myself feel better. And I signed you up to win 200$ so if you win, it's mine. And yes I'm serious.
I'm assuming you were here at some stage because I woke up alone, clean and in a towel with mum asking my why my shoes, dress and jewellery were in the bottom of the shower.
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