hot mess party of 2 ur bar is now available
Maybe I'll tuck it in and pretend to be a woman pretending to be a man that is attracted to women that are attracted to women who look like men
i found him! he's on the front porch using a bag of potting soil as a pillow. i forgot i left him there.
Told him I'd blow him in the bathroom. There was a giant window everyone was looking thru. He whipped it out n I burst out laughing n walked away. Even blackout drunk I set the bar high. You should be proud.
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Can we please get through at least one night out when you DON'T threaten to have sex with one of my parents?!?!
I would just like to point out that someone I had sex with drove me so I could have sex with you. I deserve some type of "most loyal booty call ever" award.
I bought left over pizza from a guy on Craigslist.
When do you sleep by the way. I was surprised when I went to work at 1 am,left at 7 am and had a text from you somewhere in between
I just vodka nap now...
She pulled me up to my feet by my hair. I thought it was you for a second. My drunken angel savior.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I hate drunk me more than anyone else in this world
I just had sex on my kitchen counter. It's like the American dream
I told him we can’t see each other today because absence makes the heart grow fonder but mostly I just need to rest my vag
Now after not puking, next step is not to do the accent when immigration says "hello."
Don't try to butter me sideways
That is without a doubt the most Southern thing you have ever said.
Just cuz u chase vodka with sweet tea doesn't make it sweet tea vodka
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