Dude if I didn't piss myself last night I dont think I would have woke up in time for work.
I wore my underwear in the shower just in case i passed out and you had to come in and get me
I can hear her blowing you man. All I hear is her saying 'yeah' over and over again.
We're gonna have horrible, horrible babies.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
So I met my girlfriends dad last night. Or should I say I re-met that mall cop that had to tackle me.
The ultimate Father's Day bonding experience: Both getting bailed out of jail by mom for mooning some shithead cop.
When our dicks touched he made a lightsaber noise.
We have to do it Saturday and get a thirty. If i remember correctly it takes me 12 beers to become a wizard
STOP TRYING TO FUCK MY DAD
THE HOT GUY IS YOUR DAD?!?!?!?!???
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Sext me about skeletons
You informed me your place was now a nudist colony and unless I was there to drink schnapps with the cat I had to strip.
Just paid for birth control in all ones do you think she is judging me?
i pushed adam in a shopping cart for 15 blocks, then we realized we left tyler downtown
did you go back and get him?
nah we went to a karaoke bar instead, so worth it
School supplies are right next to the margarita mix at target. Its a sign
Started dabbing in blow again because he always hated that I did it. Yuh I’m doing drugs but at least I’m doing me?
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