I spilled a beer on myself, so I went back to my place to change. The city marshall was at my door with a warrant. That beer cost me 760 bucks.
just passed a tour group on my way home. the guide actually said: 'and THAT kids is whats known as the walk of shame'
Is it illegal to masterbate in an airport?
It's spring break, I'm sure it's ok.
dude. we need more in our fridge then just beer and applesauce.
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the only thing keeping me going right now is the knowledge that in 2 hours i'll be drunk at the circus.
trying to line up a DD for St Pats Day. i guarantee i will put out. or puke and pass out. really its 50/50 at this point.
I'm just here to guide your spirit, avoiding herpes is on you though
Every time I roll over in bed I land on a different vibrator. I feel I'm the only one with this problem.
This is what my life has come to. Like, I may or may not have just stolen pizza from the guy I just hooked up with's fridge when I left...
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Sex in the moonbounce later?
This is why I love you.
Eating a TV dinner and watching Goosebumps on Netflix, the sad, sad title of my autobiography.
I was fed cake in bed and then was pinned down and ridden till I came. And then fed more cake. I'm going to marry Brad. I'll put money on it.
Worst. Date. Ever. He peeled a layer of bread off his mini burger buns because they had "too many carbs".
She caught me by google maps... Lets just say it wasnt her car in front of the house.
Did u guys seriously make a betting pool on when im going to get pregnant???
Yep, wanna bid?
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