Dude. Fucked her last night. Fucked her this morning. went downstairs for water. took 18 pack of Coors Light instead and took it back to my gf's. Got a blow job from her. Drinking the beer on my deck now. Best Day ever.
yeah, he just sent me a picture of himself with his shirt off.... It didnt turn me on, it just made me want to buy him a big mac....
I don't talk to her anymore. I lit her birthday presents on fire. Who the fuck puts candles that close to tissue paper?
We're the only two others left at work. My internal monologue is going: TAKE ME. TAKE ME NOWW. ON THE COUNTER. IN FRONT OF THE MANAGER. JUST TAKE MEEE
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I knew I was rolling hard when I realized I had been rubbing the couch for an hour
I'm in the city buying alcohol. I just got warned by a homeless man on the street that I shouldn't look so pretty "in these parts"
A gay dude just spanked me with a nicholas sparks novel and called me foxy. I'm putting this on my resume.
You bring me burritos. Of course I text you during sex
There are no winners in a lube eating competition.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Well I didn't know she was a dominatrix...so I kind of just went with it
WHEN THE HELL DOES ANYTHING IN OUR LIVES *EVER* GO AS PLANNED???
My vagina cried when he left. I think she's about to be at war with my self respect.
she wants homewrecking advice
are you gonna teach her your ways?
obvs. i'm like her yoda.
i have a serious question for you... Why I am i not wearing any pants?
Have you had an orgasm with an n95 mask on yet? It was better than being choked.
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