my penis was classy and tasteful, i don't know what her problem was.
Let's start a violent farting gang. We can do walkbys.
..i think i can hear you losing your virginity
Houston, we have a problem
where are u?
Houston. That's the problem. I don't know how I got here.
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I couldn't accept the bj. My penis has done nothing wrong and didn't deserve the punishment of her face.
if u cant get laid at this wedding we need to have a looooooong talk about the possibility of u becoming a lesbian
Is my lip ring still in your hair?
Apparently this is my life now. Fucking men in their 30s with small dogs.
I'm going to make out with someone. I'm on a mission. I don't even care if I'm wearing beer goggles. As long as he's not shorter than me, gay, or a woman.
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Brightest idea yet: lets drink enough at ladies-drink-free nights to make up for the cost of tampons. Breaking even on having vaginas!
I watch one musical on Netflix, and the "Suggested for you" section is literally almost the entire gay movie category. I feel profiled, and netflixs' accuracy about my sexuality is both impressive and offensive.
How did I pull off convincing everyone that my name is Dad? Maybe they were just distracted by my boobs.
My one night stand from last night is currently mowing my lawn for me.
I don't know. Seeing the vagina stretched out beyond normal proportions is like watching your favorite superhero die.
What are you doing tomorrow?
Dude its my bday. Im drinking from sunup til face down. Rinse and repeat.
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