The worse part is i sent a text at like three that said i was getting head... Now i have no idea who's mouth has been on my dick
they duct taped my keg cup to my hand with my sister's phone number on it. I should be ok tonight.
he convinced the breakfast vendor to melt twix bars on bacon for me at 4am. he slurred every word. i think i found my prince charming.
There was a canoe full of alcohol. It was literally a boat load of fun
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It's not like I'm never gonna put out again. I'm a sure thing. I promise.
Dont tell her I prefer to have an aura of mystique surronding me and my penis.
But I wanna cuddle and just put my hand awkwardly close to your penis area by accident and look at you
Of course, it's a law of friendship. "Thy friend Shalt always hold hatred for thine friend's swinish ex"
He didn't even get to the first chorus of Hotel California before he started convulsing on top of me.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Can you please stop having such an active social life? I'm tryna get fucked over here
I also tried to hide a bottle of vodka in a build a bear last night so that something that happened in my life
I vomited out my contact lenses last night
Dude did you see that video of yourself crying while bathing in vodka on YouTube?
You don’t need a wing man if you have a solid hook up on the pumpkin pie
I hate closet cases. I've been wooing this chick the entire quarantine. We finally meet up tonight, we're two drinks in, I've got my hand half way up her skirt and her husband calls. She promised to bring home dinner.
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